now.

The things I enjoyed are not what I enjoy, now. The people I loved are not who I love, now. The things I wanted are not what I want, now. Why should I limit myself to what I desire in the present, now?

Cloud

I never can say what I need to.
It's odd since I put words together
for people to make sense of.
Should I give it all up?
I'm in a cloud.
Decisions, decision.
On the fence of the sky.
I can't see to the ground.
Is it green or mud?
There's no way to tell
until I fall from the atmosphere.

meditative state- spirituality is a personal journey, not a group effort.

The things that I have learned during meditation really puts life in perspective. I will argue that we're are all here for pain. We're not here for total happiness. We only get that in the ether (Heaven, if you will.) I still feel awkward saying that because I always have been skeptical of anything religious. I still am not a fan of organized religion because I feel like spirituality is a personal journey and not a group effort.

First of all, I am just going to say that we are all aliens. We aren't from this planet. This is only a place we come to grow as energy. Think Avatar. (Where that dude gets in the capsule to sleep, and wakes up on the planet.) When one meditates, your energy travels to a place of peace and happiness. You feel your body align (This is your Chakras aligning) and you feel the most amazing feeling. During that time, you're living in real time. I am not talking about time as we know it. I sincerely believe that this life and our many lives before are only but a second long, comparative.

Before we incarnate, our energy/souls make a contract and make a life plan with everyone we meet. Everyone. Yes. Everything that we go through--bad, good, happy, sad-- we agree to. So, you can't get upset when someone breaks your heart, or when you're having trouble. Because, what happens when stuff happens? You learn. Some of us learn. If we don't accomplish the goal/s that we agreed to accomplish, we have to reincarnate.

Something else that I learned is that just because something goes wrong, it's not the end of the world. I have been sad about not having people around that use to be really close to me, not having my grandmother around, and being upset sometimes that every time I try to have a relationship, I get so close to having what I want and never fails it gets ripped from me. I was severely depressed earlier this year. Not because I was sad over my second breakup with my first love. I try so hard to have a family because my mom gave me up. I don't know my father. I was 3 hours away from my sister that suffers from the same sadness. I just never felt like I had a family. I really had a late start in maturing my relationship/sexual part of me because I was really shy and embarrassed. I suffered with a low self esteem for most of my life. So, when I first fell in love, like for real, I was 22. Everything happened so fast. I didn't really get over until he came back. I was so ready to have something so we moved in together. I blame a lot on him, but it was me too. I didn't know how to be in a relationship. Granted, I have been single all of my life mostly. And, he wasn't happy with himself, either. We did everything to try to make each other comfortable. And, we just weren't comfortable. I couldn't be myself for being a crazy jealous bitch (for good reason) but I--we-- rushed so much. I was just so hungry for a place and a real family of my own.

But I have came so far and I have realized that we already have everything and we are with everyone that we love out there somewhere. It doesn't matter what. There's no reason to be sad and depressed. Everything happens when it's supposed to. We have nothing to fret here. We just have to roll with the punches because it's all what we wanted. And, we'll be a better soul at the end. I have to remind myself daily. I don't really feel fear or pressure anymore. Just take your time, girl!

keep me.

I gave up a piece of a heart for peace of mind, and hope for a heart in its entirety, whole and kind. It's a beautiful thing to just know when you're loved and never have to doubt it. I have been pushed and shoved by the hands of fate. I even thought it came from hate. What did I do? I have always tried to do what I thought was good and true. I fell down on the concrete. But, you have picked me up with a little secret. If things hadn't happened this way, I may not know and I wouldn't have this regret. I have questioned, everything, everything, everything. But I believe in everything now, because I believe in you, when no one does or wants to. They question you, they question if I really know you. I'm the only one knows you. This thing we have is nothing short of miracle and I will write of it forever. You make me feel special and I'm lovesick with a fever. I'm fully aware that I live in a fictional pretend. But, I'll hold on to you until the end. I am conflicted in that I don't want to cause us any harm. So, I may settle and give someone a piece of me, hold them in my arms. But I'll keep you forever. Keep me.

Tonight.

Tonight, I have no words for you.
Tonight, no words will do.
Tonight, words are overdue.
Tonight, I love you.
Tonight, I have no words for you.

untie

Standing on a bridge with the wind blowing my hair

Across my lips that you want to kiss

I walk slowly

It’s still not enough so that you can catch up

My freedom means everything to me and nothing to him

He ties bricks to my feet and hands

And over me, he stands

Falling through gravity with the wind blowing my hair

Across my face that you want to see

I fall slowly

It’s still not enough so that you can save me

My ties mean everything to me and nothing to him

He pushes me off the edge

And between us, he inserts the wedge

Crashing into the sea with the water soaking my hair

Into the curls that you want to touch

I sink slowly

It’s still not enough so that you can float

He wants to see me die

And then, the bricks untie

Drowning in a puddle with the water soaking my lungs

Into a dead sleep that you wish to feel

I breathe slowly

It’s still not enough so that you can live

He likes what he sees

And between us, he doesn’t know he’s setting me free

My tongue fell asleep between my teeth.

My tongue fell asleep between my teeth

Trying to get warm in the cold sheets

Wishing I was next to you again

I didn’t see it then

But I see it now

Just because you’re not here now

Don’t mean it’ll never be

This is 5 years in the making

So until then, I will be speaking of dreams

Me and you, we’re kindred spirits

I regret and you’ll soon regret it, too

Like the nightmare of  burned bridges

I never want to wake up in those ashes

But, now I just speak of dreams

Just because you’re not here now

Don’t mean it’ll never be

This is 5 years in the making

So until then, I will be speaking of dreams

Ms. Kitten and Mr. Mouse.

I have trying to keep my hands busy trying out different mediums, but that leads to a busy card. And, I’m not good at anything but you. But you keep me down, I don’t want to feel anything. You come at me in waves. I feel you sway in and out. You won’t stay still. One day, it’s all you want. The next you sink low. Why don’t you sing to me your soul? Why don’t give this life? Because this is older than I know. I’m giving up all I’ve ever wanted for this. I want to call and say that I miss the way you thought, you thought I was unique. I drink to have an excuse, but then I hang up the phone. Because, maybe, maybe I can’t get back to that summer when we sat there and I didn’t say a word. You asked me questions about myself. And, I didn’t say much afterwards. I was the girl that wore clothes to cover up her insecurities and spoke less to cover her indiscretions. I didn’t hide from you. The hardest thing for me is trust. And, I trust you. And, I have to be strong with strangers. Sincerely, you broke through my walls, but I can’t break through yours. It hurts me, because I thought I was special. When it comes to being strong, I’m weak with the ones I love. I am fragile when it comes to you. Because I can’t be strong all of the time. I burned four bridges in four weeks and build one back. And, you won’t cross it for me. I don’t want to play cat and mouse. I always lose. I don’t want that for myself anymore. I want love now. I don't want to be Ms. Kitten missing Mr. Mouse.

here and now

I had to take a break from looking at my reflection all day long

I could see you in the back of my eyes singing that same song

At least, I’m not the only one that feels this way, I got my friends

You used to be one of those people that offered me comfort,

Well not anymore, not anymore

I miss you so bad that I travel back in time just to see you

I wish you weren’t sad and that you were on track

And I wish you would travel here to chat with me in the street

But I need to give up and travel north for the summer

It’s such a tragedy that it ended up this way

May you remember me every may, maybe

And know what could have been, maybe

If we would have stopped playing these games

Of teaching each other lessons that we already learned

Your profile will surely fade into my pupils with time

Gotta keep looking, gotta keep searching for the here and now

I can’t lose focus staring at you with tears In my eyes

It’s time to cut my strings and bend over to tie my shoes

and get going, get on with it

forgive me.

Dear Regretful Self,

I’m sorry for hating the strawberry in my hair. I’m sorry for hating the scars on my body. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. But I do. I’m sorry I was resentful in my teens. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I hated my mother for giving me away. I hated her for not giving me a father. I hated the ones who raised me for being eager to give up on me, to give me away, or even being so eager to threaten to give me away. I’m sorry that I never found light in anything. I was young. I’m sorry that the only thing I thrived for was love and a place to rest my heart before I knew what love was. I’m sorry that I was so emotional and overly dramatic about everything.  I’m sorry that I was so eager to start a fight. I’m sorry that I fell in love for the first time with the wrong person. I’m sorry that I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry that I waited 22 years to finally give it away to someone I loved. I’m sorry he didn’t tell me that I wasn’t the only one. I’m sorry that I gave it away to someone else’s boyfriend. I’m sorry that I didn’t know. I’m sorry that I thought I was special to him. I’m sorry that I felt raped. I’m sorry that I spent two whole years trying to get over it, to find that I wasn’t really over it. I’m sorry I tried to have casual sex to prove to myself I could. I’m sorry that I get attached. I’m sorry that I missed him every day, especially when I got close to the one closest to him. I’m sorry for replying back that night. I’m sorry I said what he did was okay. I’m sorry that I drove half a day to see him at her house. I’m sorry for believing that he was really in love with me. I’m sorry I let him in again when he wasn’t even out yet. I’m sorry that I wanted to make all of the hurt make sense and I’m sorry that I thought the pain would go away if I was just with the one that had my virginity. I’m sorry that I said that I would marry him when he asked. I’m sorry that I pushed the people that were always there for me to make room for someone that couldn’t make enough room for me in his security blanket. I’m sorry that it took losing my Identification to stop me from saying “I do.” I’m sorry that I called him out every day. I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything when I knew he was talking to her again. I’m sorry I created that karma for myself. I’m sorry it took him leaving for it to end. I’m sorry that I couldn’t just tell him to leave when I felt like I had enough. I’m sorry I let him stay because I was afraid to lose a pet more than I was afraid to lose him. I’m sorry that I lost that dog. I’m sorry I’m a bitch most of the time. I’m sorry that I expect others to be on my level. I’m sorry that I expect others to be as responsible as me. I'm sorry that I am "motherly" towards my friends, my sister and my niece. I’m sorry that I don’t always realize they’re simply not on the same road as me. I’m sorry that I gave up on love for a while. I’m sorry that I thought about being with someone simply because I didn’t love them. I’m sorry that I thought that if I didn’t love them that they couldn’t hurt me as bad as someone I loved. I’m sorry that I thought I would never love again. I’m sorry that it took me so long to figure out that I could, and even deeper than the first. I’m sorry that I didn’t see it long ago. I’m sorry that I didn’t hold his hand. I’m sorry that I didn’t ask him. I’m sorry that my low selfesteem of my younger self told me it simply wasn’t possible. I’m sorry that I didn’t see the signs. I’m sorry I was blind. I’m sorry no one gets it. I’m sorry that I hold a lot in now. I’m sorry I shut down now. I’m sorry I push people out now. I’m sorry that I feel bad about that now. I’m sorry that I wont reach out to fix certain friendships. I’m sorry that I wait on life instead of making it wait on me. I’m sorry that I won’t make him talk to me and tell me what the hell is wrong. I’m sorry that I won’t make you smile. I’m sorry that sometimes I would rather be anywhere but here. I’m sorry that I’m not enjoying this stagnation. I’m sorry that I am the one that is holding myself back. I’m sorry that I’m unsure of the future. I’m sorry that I’m sorry for all of these things. I’m sorry that I pretty much regret every decision that I’ve made. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t. I’m sorry isn’t going to do much. I’m sorry that I feel the need to apologize for things that’s made me who I am.

                                                                                                Forgive me.

in the ether

I fall asleep just to be with you

It’s the only way you’ll let me in

So, I’m honest with you

It’s what I’ve always wanted

And it’s the last place that I looked

Because I never thought the answer would be

Right there in the sky

The world looks like a disco ball in a blackhole from where I am

I’m floating in the beyond talking to the energy we will be

I go to my happy place where the river runs through the lush

You’re there with that smile on your face

And you eclipse the sun

Lighting up the whole place

Just like you were meant to do

We used to talk for hours about what we believed

I didn’t believe that we had the power to know

But I’m not so sure

Just look within ourselves

And hear everything will be okay

Because we chose this for ourselves

Let’s never regret it

Find the way back to the person you’re meant to be

That’s everything a person needs to do

You are who you are

And who you are makes me happy

That a person like me knows you

And I’ll be waiting right here in my lucid state

For you to come meet me in the ether

Sweet baby girl, just save yourself

I had a dream that I went to where you are and everything was back. I had a dream that it was over, and I had you. And we were happy. You were holding them and kissed my cheek. You were happy, you were alive. I had a dream you were dead. I can’t pretend that I don’t want to save you from yourself. But you pretend that you’re okay without me. And you may be, but I need you too. But there’s not even a window for me to crawl into. I know you’re in there on the floor all alone. I know you haven’t ate in days. Yet, the door is still locked, and I’m standing outside your house with my bags in my hands needing my friend. I need to cry without someone thinking I’m not strong. I can’t go through life without knowing whether it’s dead or alive. I’ve knocked and I’ve tried. But I know, I must walk away when they say, “Pack up your things, and stand your ground, sink your toes into the dirt. Say how you feel, never hold back, wear your armor upon your chest. You can’t save the world, baby girl. Just save yourself, just save yourself. People like that can’t feel, they block themselves. They might care, but not enough. It’s a constant battle and you’ll always lose yourself. I know you really love them with everything you’ve put on the line, but they will never care with the same kind. I know it seems like you just want to know. You wish they’d just tell ya, ‘I love ya.’ But they may take it to the grave, baby girl.  Sweet baby girl, you can’t save everyone.”

I fall in love with minds, not bodies

I fall in love with minds not bodies

I would rather be loved for my thoughts than my sizes
It’s a slow phenomenon for me to feel it
It happens when I feel that it’s safe
So it’s not going to happen when you come to my seat
And say, “Hey Beautiful, what are you drinking?”
I don’t care if you think I’m pretty

Most of these girls are the same
They have low self-awareness
And they hate when no one is aware of them
So they dress like they belong on a pole to feel worthy
What they don’t understand
Is that that only gets them a night
With someone that only cares if they're pretty

I don’t mind if I’m not in love

Because I’ve been there and I’ve been hated
And I hate where I’ve been
I am a better person alone
I’m fun again, fun and carefree
Without others to worry about
I don’t need some body  to make me feel pretty

We're all aliens anyway

We’re all looking for answers

We’re all looking for the truth
We’re torn between love and hate
We’re torn between science and faith
We’re all making sense of nothing

We are all here to learn
We are all here to grow
We are all on different trains
We attract people in the seats next to us

We all got to get to the next level
We all are Marios trying to save the princess
We’re all losers
We all come back until we win
We’re all trying to have the highest score

We’re all searching for one thing
We’re all search for the one answer
We fail to understand that practicality is earth made
We have to open our minds just a little
We’d realize nothing in this world has to have one definition
We’d all know the truth is nothing rationality could wrap
We’d all see that instead of a single star it’s the whole galaxy

 You and me

We’re on the same track
We don't believe their theories
They don't believe us
It doesn't mean they're dumb
It doesn't mean wrong
They're just from a different planet

We came on the same ship
We’re on the same karmatic journey
Why don’t you hold my hand
So I’ll win this one
And go back home

We’re all aliens anyway

Solidarity

I paint my face so I’ll feel pretty
It’s only Thursday but I need a drink
Because this time of reflection has made me feel ugly
But I’ll meet him out
Because I’m moving on from a move on

 Just take the steps

 Before you sink in the quicksand, little girl
Don’t wait around for anyone
This is something you’ve done before
Keep moving on

 He will touch my face and smile

And ask me to dance
And I’ll say no, and ask to go
Even though I know it’s wrong

Just take the steps
Before you sink in the quicksand, woman
Don’t wait around for anyone
This is something you’ve done before
Keep moving on

You’ll eventually get to where you need to be
On solid ground

into the blue

I tried cutting the lines that have been  between us

I saw you for the first time in two years the other day

I almost cried and because I hoped that they wouldn’t be there

Time stood still for me again and I just stared

I don’t know why I came

But at the end of the day

I have never felt like this

I don’t feel  pain

Not anymore

I try to defend you and what we had between us

Everyone saw you wrong and I just saw you

I held you as you cried and I hoped that they wouldn’t come back

Time was hard on us and we focused on what we lacked

I don’t know why I came

But at the end of the day

I have never felt like this

I don’t feel  pain

Not anymore

I try to push it down and swallow my heart

Because I saw what love could do

I held my tears and I hoped that they wouldn’t leak out

Time has treated you well no matter what you talk about

I don’t know why I came

(I came to tell you that I love you)

But at the end of the day

(We might not be here forever)

I have never felt like this

I don’t feel  pain

(not anymore)

I try to tell you as I’m in your arms and swallow my pride

I see clearly for the first time in my life

I held my breath in a whisper and said, “I’m in love with you.”

But this time, you didn’t hear me and I walked into blue

Seahorses

I see seahorses in the sky
Instead of stars at night
Sometimes I wonder where you are
Even though you’re grounded,
You’re not very far from my mind

I’m on a journey to find

Somewhere that’s mine
Sometimes I wonder where that will be
Even though I’m grounded
I’m up in air in my mind


I ask you to help me along my way
I don't know what to do or what to say
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get it right
Even though, you're in the ground
You're never too far away in my mind

∞

I’ll write a letter in a bottle

Send it away into the sky
I’ll hope that the waves of the blue
lifts it and defies
All of gravity
Because you are everything
In my eyes

I’ll plead that you find an out
Send it away into the sky
I’ll hope someone hears of my words
My sentences and cries
And guides you in
Because you don’t deserve
all of life’s lies

I’ll write of you forever in words
Send it away into the sky
I’ll hope someone reads them
And be a catalyst for them to realize
What love really feels like
Because it’s everything that it’s not
And never, ever dies

I’ll paint my body in with symbols
Of numbers before life
Sends me away into the sky
I’ll hope it always reminds me
Of this feeling and your eyes
And guides me in
Because it’s everything
In my eyes

If I could buy back the last three years, I'd spend it on you.

The times when time stands still is the time I think about you
Taking leaps of faith in the picture of what’s natural in my mind
You never approved of what I thought I had
I never had anything to worthy of a find
I wish I had you now, your hair on my pillow
Again

I listened to your wall-less words spill out into the hours
Of the night as the green in my eyes disappeared into the dark
You had your secrets, you had your façade
But with me, and only me, you began to emerge from the stark
I wish I had you now, your defenseless soul on my pillow now
Again

Those times when I lay still drowning, floating in your sound are the times I want back
Taking leaps of faith in the picture of what’s natural in my mind
I never knew I could feel like this again
And it’s time I wish I could rewind
Again

Desert me

Desert me—

                In the sand

                Drop me off

                Let me fall back down

                Don’t think twice about leaving

                I’ll never trust my advice

Desert me—

                So I can find water

                Leave me stranded

                Let the rain flow downstream

                Don’t lead me to it

                I’ll never learn to swim

Desert me—

                In the wild

                Flee in your get-away

                Let me be with my devices

                Don’t enable me to need you again

                I’ll never make it on my own

Desert me—

                So I will grow

                Abandon me and run away

                Let me take root and blossom

                Don’t feel bad for what you’ve done

                I’ll never be afraid of loneliness

Desert me—

                You will be the one that feels lost

                When it’s all said and done

Time is a pendulum.

TIME IS A PENDULUM

After spending so many seconds by someone else’s side, I woke up and I said, “I wasted my time on you.”

            The journey back to you is paved in passed seconds marked by the pendulum of time which sways back and forth until one’s satisfied. The concrete, torn and tattered, trips me as I step. My metaphoric cane clings and tings cross the broken floor— only broken from treacherous trembles of tears and fears.

            The air bares an uneven heaviness to the bottom of my soul’s sole for my whole life has been a mistake. I don’t know where I am, but I comb ahead, anyway. Even though it’s silent in the great grey aura, I hear you beckoning, calling constantly from the corner. You’re playing the prettiest, on the keys and strings, all at the same time. I can’t see you, yet, but you’re singing me a sweet song and it’s lulling me forward. I stumble on the street, and I look to you to pick me up.

The sun is slowly moving in a backwards fashion. Your voice is sounding stronger, also. The subdued vibrations are more vibrant as I’m invited ahead. You’re singing the song now that we sang, so long ago in my speeding car around slight curves and heavy hills.

Blood leaks out of my skin like a spout spraying into the sky. I see a dim glimmer from my son’s sun. The shine seemed to shed light on the rights of my actions, but the blood washed the right away. As I stand, I leave my stick on the cement.

            I know I am closer to you and youth. There are flowers now, and green trees. They are growing and coloring the corridor of time in the most flattering way. Your strokes are even more beautiful now and faster, elegant. Every note pressed plays a role in colors. Every coat painted relays my soul’s chakras, alternating pink, purples, golds, rosemaries then primaries. And suddenly the cracked cement separates and gives way for the supple soil underneath.

            I touch without trying. You’re speeding up with one hand and slowing down with another. I grasp at the ground and hold it in my hands. Moving it between my fingers, It wistfully winds up back where I found it.  I found a catastrophic caterpillar and it matured right before my emerald eyes. With flying force, it fluttered in the future like a natural follower of time.

            But you keep me pushing into the past so you can say something that you never said. We were what we were, but I never knew that I would notice the way you noticed me when it was too late. I should have seen the sightless signs and stopped and turned to take your hand and hold it as tightly as time would tolerate. But at the time, I took his.

            The trees tell me secrets—the ones you never told me while you were lying in my bed. They whisper as they rustle. They grow taller, and I am nothing compared. I gaze with my head agape, upward. I am noticing now the bird’s nest and the bird’s worms as the birds, they chirp, “meet him under the waterfall of that night and stay. Stay, stay one second more.”

            The still squirrels are smiling still as I step slowly to beat. I stop to smell the ever-changing roses and close my eyes and I am back to you already. The trees are turning to tropics as I tremble in the past. We serenely screamed the song as we aimlessly drove through the airless summer night. I was singing for him. Were you singing for me? It all makes sense now.

My eyes open on their own and all that was obscure and whimsical before is more concrete, but in a whole new way. My body feels strong as I inch back to you, not like the cold, callous cement of my future. The muting melodies are senselessly slipping away from my ears and all I hear is silence.

The shower begins to sprinkle its tears through the leaves of the trees. I cup my hands to see if I can catch them. They puddle and splash in slow motion in the pit of my palm. I wonder if you can see me now. I wonder if you can see how I’ve changed as I wander.

There you are again, singing.

The rain runs relentless through the depths of my mind. I hear you call my name and the forest peels away. I try to find you in the roaring wake that drips from the world as we know it. The birds, they told me. They told me that you’d be here.

There you are in the far distance emerging from a water-wall cave, looking like you’ve been sleep for three days. The water falls at your side and you glide towards me. Your fingertips meet the pouring partition and as you strum, my thoughts liquefy. Time has kept you safe, locked away. The olive of your skin contrasts against the cumbersome, cool colors of blue and grey around you. I exhale a gasp and in the lapse of time, the length of your locks of hair blew softly in  my breath.

You approach me, smiling silently. Everyone else lives in the shade and fades next to you. I feel your palm’s embers embracing my skin as you sweep the swirls from my eye lashes. You lean in and ever so lovely we meet. Your lips linger next to mine. They taste like honey-glazed nectar and it takes me back.

***

After spending so many seconds by one another’s side, you wake up and you say, “I wasted my time on you.”

1,2,3,4.

one.
I was never the only one on your mind.
Happiness, you're trying to find
in one of our eyes.
But, you have it all wrong
Love is not just a sweet song
But I couldn't stand all of the lies
One day, you'll see the true meaning
and refrain from impulses of leaving town
But it's in your veins to be a let down.

two.
My love for you is deep and pure.
I have never felt this, this I am sure
Now, my mind is clear and well
You won't let me help you escape for a while
I can't force a smile, I can't force a smile
But this fire will never grow pale
because this is a love without hate
and it gives me hope even though it may not be in our fate, now
but when it comes to moving on, thanks to you, I know how.

three.
It's clear that I've wanted you and your skin
and you've wanted me to let you in
because you want out.
In all of our honesty, you're the only one
that I can be honest with and you never change your tone
the mutual understandings is all it's about.
It's one that is never meant to go far from the room
and swept under the rug by the broom, in your closet.
And pretend we never met.

four.
You think it's more than it never was
assuming every time I speak of love it's about you because
I thought I gave up on the feeling
But now that I fell
only time will tell
if it was with you, I'd be stealing.
I know you just want someone in your bed while your gone
I'm not the one to be waiting by a telephone for long
and you're not the reason that I sing these songs.

The night owl

Call me the night owl. The sun is finally setting on this time. And, I never felt better. The time grew foul and it flew away with the rest of the fowl. It flew, and I can’t get it back. But it’s okay. It’s going to be a new day. In an hour or two, possibly more.

Call me the night owl. I spent a time in solitude to hide my attitude. Some people understood. Some people refused. I lost a friendship or two, and myself for a second or two. But I found what’s true and good—in the meantime—my tongue bled from all the chewing and swallowing my words. I swallowed my pride when I took another chance at love. The bitter taste fed my heart and made me hate how I felt, with every beat. It made me hate the feeling of the night.

Call me the night owl. I’m never hiding from the days again. For the ones of the light to stare with their gaze, in vain. It’s going to be a good day. Now that my tongue and heart healed from the venom, it’s going to be a good day, in an hour or two, possibly more.

It’s going to be a good night.