Three

My body is scattered into thirds for days
Feeling the feeling that stays
What are we really doing wrong
I need to keep it a secret
Until our house is strong
Out in the middle of sea
So, we will be out of reach

1.
Are you going to wake up in my bed
Are you going to make up for all the dead
Are you going to keep me or keep up ships

2.
Are you coming to sea
Are you coming back to me
Are you opening your eyes
to something you dont want to see

3.
Are you still foggy in the haze
Are you not the same
Are you going to wake up and want me


I wish, there were three
of me

the feeling

one day, you're going to regret the decisions you made
blocking how you feel
with the smoke that you can't feel through
and the drugs that make you numb...


one day, numb will leave you empty
with no progression to the greater feeling of love.

Mud

This has come over me like sand in a cool breeze
And I'm floating on solid ground
The irony in life is never easy
Not every pretty sound is right

I've learned to fall freely
Third time's a charm
He is my return, safely
And, I don't mean any harm

I'm swimming in emotions
And, I don't feel tired
Nor swallowed up by the sea
I can breathe

The rain falls delicately
From sunny skies
And pools on the dirt
And, together they flirt

I'm going to pour concrete
In the part of my heart
That still holds holds love for you

So you cannot get back in my head
and lead me back down that dirty path

you walk

You change

You change everything
You change my ideas
You change my head
You change my face

I know it's wrong
I know it shouldn't
But it will,
Change

It will change a lot of things.
I'm not sure if those are good
If it doesn't change,
You are going to change the game.

Dear Catalyst

Times are changing. Feelings are too. Discovered new things to feel lately. The feeling of letting go never felt so good. Hate burned my blood for a while. Just the other day, I spoke to you. Things have happened since that are forcing me to cut all ties to this town. I've seen what hate does to people and I'm not about to let it eat me alive like it has my father. I'm not the girl you fell in love with. I'm someone new. I told you this the first time, but I lost myself again in insecurities. But, now I'm changed for good. I have you to thank for that. My fears were a long list. You made me face all of them. And, I stare them right in the eyes now. I'm not afraid of anything now. I'm ready to face the world independently. You were always meant for me, even for a short time. The real definition of soul mate is someone who has made the most difference in a life and you've made the most difference in mine, thus far. I'm not saying that I won't find someone that won't make more a difference because I have and will over and over again. But we're allowed many special people. My friends will shake their heads, but you are still special in that you've made me exactly who I needed to be. It's just how you look at it, I suppose. I hope you finally found happiness within yourself, forgiveness goes a long way. I realized not to find happiness in others but to look within me. Do the same. I'm happy for you that you finally made a commitment to stay somewhere. I'm happy for myself that I don't have such commitment. I'm just now figuring out myself that I never wanted what I thought I wanted. The world is too big. I'm just discovering a world inside of me that I've never known. And, I owe it to you. I hope you see green in his eyes and you are reminded of me so long ago when we were friends, making jokes. You've seen me at my worst and I don't want to be remembered like that, being possessed by hate and jealousy. I'd rather be known for what I'm going to do. And, I won't remember you at your worst anymore. I'm going to remember you as a friend, as a catalyst.

now.

The things I enjoyed are not what I enjoy, now. The people I loved are not who I love, now. The things I wanted are not what I want, now. Why should I limit myself to what I desire in the present, now?

Cloud

I never can say what I need to.
It's odd since I put words together
for people to make sense of.
Should I give it all up?
I'm in a cloud.
Decisions, decision.
On the fence of the sky.
I can't see to the ground.
Is it green or mud?
There's no way to tell
until I fall from the atmosphere.