Dear Catalyst

Times are changing. Feelings are too. Discovered new things to feel lately. The feeling of letting go never felt so good. Hate burned my blood for a while. Just the other day, I spoke to you. Things have happened since that are forcing me to cut all ties to this town. I've seen what hate does to people and I'm not about to let it eat me alive like it has my father. I'm not the girl you fell in love with. I'm someone new. I told you this the first time, but I lost myself again in insecurities. But, now I'm changed for good. I have you to thank for that. My fears were a long list. You made me face all of them. And, I stare them right in the eyes now. I'm not afraid of anything now. I'm ready to face the world independently. You were always meant for me, even for a short time. The real definition of soul mate is someone who has made the most difference in a life and you've made the most difference in mine, thus far. I'm not saying that I won't find someone that won't make more a difference because I have and will over and over again. But we're allowed many special people. My friends will shake their heads, but you are still special in that you've made me exactly who I needed to be. It's just how you look at it, I suppose. I hope you finally found happiness within yourself, forgiveness goes a long way. I realized not to find happiness in others but to look within me. Do the same. I'm happy for you that you finally made a commitment to stay somewhere. I'm happy for myself that I don't have such commitment. I'm just now figuring out myself that I never wanted what I thought I wanted. The world is too big. I'm just discovering a world inside of me that I've never known. And, I owe it to you. I hope you see green in his eyes and you are reminded of me so long ago when we were friends, making jokes. You've seen me at my worst and I don't want to be remembered like that, being possessed by hate and jealousy. I'd rather be known for what I'm going to do. And, I won't remember you at your worst anymore. I'm going to remember you as a friend, as a catalyst.